Life Update: It's Brilliant! ...and I'm terrified!

You know when things are just going right? You don’t miss your bus, you find an amazing deal online, you get offered your dream job without even trying etc. Well that’s how things are going for me right now! Yes, you read it right! For once life is going absolutely swimmingly and I’m actually so happy I could burst.

And it terrifies the absolute crap out of me.

I did a video a while back (HA! When I thought I’d have time to make Youtube videos! Oh what a sweet summer child I was!) which was a life update on what I’d been doing since I moved home, where I wanted my channel to go and so on. Now when I made that video, I was working pretty much full time doing shift work in my local chip shop. I thought I was hella busy back then.

Cut to a few months later and not only am I still working there, I’m studying a diploma in Digital Marketing and through that I’ve got another job with a local company where I run their social media! I wake up hideously early Monday through Friday and either go to college or to an office and then in the evenings and weekends I work my shifts. I’ve only been doing it for around a week and I’m already exhausted.

And I love it.

I am genuinely loving life right now. Doing the course and working in the office is an absolute dream come true. Going back to studying was always the vague plan but Digital Marketing sort of fell into my lap and I’m so glad it did!

It’s always been an area that I had a basic knowledge of? I ran my own review website and social media for three years so I knew a few bits and bobs but learning all the ins & outs and all the technical bits is just fascinating to me. I feel confident and competent in something I’m doing and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. It’s brilliant. And yet, I’m terrified.

For some reason or another, sometimes it’s me, sometimes it’s circumstances but things haven’t always gone my way. I’m a firm believer of 50/50 karma. Something great happens to me, something horrible is soon to follow and I’m nearly always proved right.

The last two years have been the most difficult of my life. I’ve had financial and personal problems that almost broke me and resulted in moving out of London and back home because I just couldn’t cope.

Fast forward to now and I’m in the best place I’ve been in recent times and I’m just terrified that the other shoe is going to drop. The terror that something is going to screw this up actually keeps me awake at night. Cheers, anxiety induced insomnia!

I’m doing my best to be positive because there is nothing but positives about my situation if you ignore the early mornings ;) I’m finally doing something I love and something that has real prospects at the end. I’m the happiest I can remember being because there isn’t a black cloud of despair hanging over my head anymore. I can’t keep sabotaging myself by wondering what’s going to go wrong but there’s always the dark spectre of ‘what if’ looming in the back of my mind! Keeping that wee bugger at bay is gonna be bloody hard but I’m determined that I’m gonna stay positive!

I’ll do a proper, coherent, non-rambly update when I’ve settled into my hectic new schedule but this was just something that was rolling around my brain and I had to burn it off!

Let me know in the comments if you’re just like me and twist yourself into a pretzel of anxiety when there’s no need! Or if you have any positivity tricks and tips to share :)

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